I am a single mom to a 3-year-old and I have been where you are. A couple years ago, my life was a complete mess. Every day felt equal parts too fast and too slow. The time I spent at work or with my daughter seemed to drag. I’d be counting the hours until I felt like I could breathe again. Then the small slivers of time every night that I had to myself seemed to fly by and I never had enough time. It was a rough moment in my life. My relationship was failing, my daughter had just turned two and wasn’t speaking coherently enough for us to communicate well with her. To be honest, she should’ve been using two-word sentences at the time and she completely refused to. There were daily tantrums with her screaming at the top of her lungs and me alone not knowing how to help her. I remember one particularly difficult day when I couldn’t take it anymore, I just broke down crying. Every part of my life felt hard. There wasn’t a single shred of joy or anything to look forward to. At work, I didn’t look forward to the weekend because I knew it’d be me dealing with temper tantrums alone for 3 days straight. On the weekends I didn’t look forward to going back to work because I hated the company I worked at. There was no winning and I didn’t know how much more I could take.
Then I took a risk. I signed up for the coach training program at iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching). I knew it wasn’t a good time, but that there would also never be a “perfect” time. I knew I couldn’t afford it. But I also knew that I was tired of being unhappy. I stepped into that program seeking a career change and left with a completely different life.
I began to understand self-care and the difference it makes in the rest of your life. I saw how I was approaching parenting in such a self-detrimental way. I thought that if I kept running, pushing and doing, THAT would make me a good mom. Even if I couldn’t really enjoy my daughter, at least I was overworking myself to make sure she could have everything she ever needed. (Spoiler alert: all she really needed was me, my presence and basic necessities. We could’ve lived in a shoebox and she would’ve been fine). I had a coach throughout the program (and have always made sure to have one since) who helped me when I finally broke up with my daughter’s dad. I was able to see firsthand how changing myself can affect every single person in my life. My daughter finally started talking more (and now won’t stop) because of how we now interacted with her. Her father and I are the best of friends and our communication is better now than it had been the entire 9 years we were together.
When I completed the program, I had a mission. I needed to help women overcome what I went through. I knew I wasn’t the only one who experienced life this way and I was grateful to have been exposed to this kind of help so early in my parenting journey. I now work with moms who are ready to make a change. They’re tired of the constant feeling of overwhelm. They’re tired of mom guilt dictating their lives. They’re tired of yelling at their kids and being so easily frustrated with their spouse. They see the light at the end of the tunnel. They’re ready to be more present with their kids. They want to finally find the time to do things they enjoy. And they know they need to work on themselves first in order for it to happen. When I made that shift in my life, nothing was the same. My mission is to make this the new normal.